What do I get asked the most? How to get into college

Dear Class of 2024:

You have finished your first semester of high school.  I’m guessing it’s not exactly what you thought it would be a year ago.  And while some of that is because of this constantly evolving health crisis keeping everyone at home, some of it is just what high school is.  

I see you.  You’re looking around, thinking about the colleges that these people in your Zoom room are going to get into – and wondering where you’ll end up. You’re not entirely sure what it means to go to college, but you’re pretty sure that’s what you want to (for over a decade more than 95% of our freshman class has told us they want to go to 4 year colleges upon graduation).

Maybe you think everyone else has this all figured out? (spoiler alert: they don’t, even if they look like they do).  Or maybe you see this entire four year chunk of your life as a stepping stone, a means to an end?

I have spent your entire lifetime in high school.  Your experience will be what you make it.  If you want, it will be an opportunity to grow, to learn and to connect with others.  Otherwise it will feel like a long passing period while you are waiting for the “rest” of your life.  Here’s the reality – this is your life, so make the most of it.  

And, ironically, this is how to get into college? Live in the present, not the future.

Focus

First things first: focus on high school. On a scale of 1-10, how badly do you want to graduate?  I ask students that question all the time.  You should ask yourself that question regularly.  Because many of the adults in your life already have a diploma, the question is, do you?  We can’t want you to get a diploma more than you want one for yourself.  

Whether or not you are working during high school, your big “paycheck” during your teenage years are the credits that earn a diploma.  If you had a boss you didn’t get along with, would you just skip payday, because you didn’t want to deal with them?  I didn’t think so. Translate this to school.  You may not love all your teachers.  You may not be thrilled by each and every class.  But each teacher’s class is tied to credits – which you need to treat like cash.  Don’t throw away a paycheck because you don’t like your boss.  

You can’t wake up at the end of four years and magically have a diploma land in your lap.  You have to want it every day.  You can’t let anyone get in your way – especially not yourself.  Get out of your own head.  You belong here.  You have the right to learn.  And the opportunity to be an incrementally better version of yourself each day.  Set an alarm.  Put on real clothes.  And focus. 

And I do recommend, if possible, that you get a job; my students who have jobs gain essential social skills, learn a lot about what they might want to do in the future, and earn money to boot. It’s imperative that this is a “real” job – regular babysitting (or pod-sitting!), bagging groceries, food service – not a week-long “internship” or job shadow.

Flexibility

Flexibility is what all the adults in your life have learned, and yet, still, we somehow try to shield you from the situations that will help build your own skill in this realm.  The pandemic has been a crash course in flexibility for all of us – with some fantastically creative results.  Zoom dance parties and birthday car parades, quarantine recipes (with no yeast or flour), and reimagined graduations. 

We are all very much on the type of squiggly lines that Madeline Levine references in her latest book, Ready or Not.  But, importantly, these lines are each our own – your line cannot and will not ever be the same as anyone else’s – even your twin sibling’s.  This line is your pathway – it is how to get into college FOR you, AS you.

The challenge is to embrace the squiggles.  To strive for progress, not perfection. No one is perfect – at any age – so try very hard to remove that limitation from your teenaged viewpoint), as Whitney Dineen points out in the anthology You Do You, “Mistakes are a stairway to growth.”  

And she’s not alone:

• Marie Forleo lays this out this philosophy clearly in her book Everything is Figureoutable.  She quotes Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who shares the regrets of her patients at the end of their lives.  The number one regret?  “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 
• Jessica Lahey in the Gift of Failure asserts “There was dissent among these teenagers about how far to let kids travel down the road into dangerous behaviors, but they all agreed that when parents attempt to control teenagers’ social lives their children are much more likely to become deceptive.”
• Which brings us to the reason it’s so key to gain and practice your own flexibility, summarized by Michael Altshuler:  “The bad news is time flies.  The good news is you’re the pilot.”  It’s time to start flying.  

Fit

Rather than spending four years of high school aiming at a particular college or university, instead spend the time examining what you need to thrive – what academic supports, what social constructs, what physical environment will bring you joy.  And remember you learn just as much, if not more, from things that don’t work out – the “nos” in life.  In nearly every aspect of life – dating, paint colors, and college selection – it’s hard to figure out what a “yes” is without a lot of “nos.”

Only then will you have the conviction to really answer the “why college x?” question that is the absolute core of the application.  If your answer is generic, you should reconsider your application entirely – because you either need to learn more about the school, or yourself – or both – to make a compelling case for investing the cost of the application fee.  

“You do You” is the name of the game – as asserted by Jen Mann and her team of authors in the anthology of the same name.  Contributing author Susanne Kerns is even more specific on fit (though, sadly, with financial numbers reflecting a different era) in her piece “Do As Grandma Says.

“You can learn a lot at a $40,000-a year university university or at a $4000-a year university. You can also waste a lot of time and money  at the same universities. Your time is even more valuable than money – don’t squander it. Never again will you have the dedicated time and freedom to immerse yourself in things that interest you and things that bore you and learn the difference between the two.”

Susanne Kerns, Do As Grandma Says

Freedom

Most teenagers think of freedom as the ability to do what others (usually adults) don’t want them to do.  Instead, I encourage you to step away from that facade of “freedom” and instead see it as a way to be yourself.  The freedom to belong – and not fit in – is something that author and researcher Brene Brown distinguishes for us. 

Each week on the Unlocking Us podcast, she implores us to be awkward, brave and kind.  And I can think of no better freedom for a teenager than to embrace all three of those characteristics with authenticity and gusto.  And that’s how to get into college, too.

Fun

You are a teenager which means you absolutely should be having fun.  When you choose your classes, do what’s required and then do more of what you enjoy.  Find your people – whether they are on the field, in the lab, or on stage.  Focus on your relationships, not your resumé.  Because neither one can guarantee college admission, but your friends – and whatever you did for fun – will long be remembered.  You don’t need to get paid or recognized for what is meaningful – the change it creates in you shows!

And as the pandemic has pared down the extracurricular Olympics, I hope you feel less over-extended, and more able to focus on the basics.  I am seeing more and more teenagers rekindle old habits and hobbies – cooking, running, knitting and music-making.  And these simple things are often the most fulfilling. Double bonus if they are also supporting your overall well being and thus establishing meaningful, lifetime habits that will benefit your mental and physical health for years to come.  As James Clear sums up so clearly, “When you lose track of time, you’re either living your best life or wasting it.”

So how to get into college? Focus, flexibility, fit, freedom, and fun. And your life will be all the better for it as well.

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Surviving High School 2020 Edition

Dear Class of 2024: Tips for New High School Students (and their Parents)

Are you surviving high school 2020?

Pre-2020, I usually described my job in public education like this: “I enjoy helping students find a pathway that fulfills them – and it’s never boring, never the same thing twice.”  

While those sentiments still ring true, more recently I’ve been telling people that my job is “herding invisible cats.”  I have a sense that students are out there, and that some of my actions are supporting them, but in the fuzziness of distance learning, it is very challenging to know.  (This author speaks to the tendency to focus on “ghosts,” which is a helpful way to prioritize.)

This is my 27th year in high school.  Four years figuring it out myself. And 23 more helping other people’s kids navigate it.  Year 27.  And year 1.  Year 1 of parenting a high school student- in a pandemic, no less- which means his high school experience is not unfolding in the next town over from my office, but in the next room.  And year 1 of trying to support other peoples’ kids in this crazy as well.  

Time to Reflect: Surviving High School 2020

2020 has turned out to be a year of deep introspection and reflection for us as individuals, and as a society.  And though I’ve spent well over half my life in high school, I don’t reflect on my own high school experience as much as I might.  Do you? 

I am grateful to still be friends with a handful of my closest friends from high school.  

The ones I stayed up all night with at slumber parties (often, embarrassingly, trying to crimp our hair).  The ones I coordinated matching outfits with for school dances.  The ones I practiced with for elaborate dance performances. And the ones I drove to late night restaurants with at a time when 16-year-olds could drive other sixteen-year-olds.  

I recently asked them: what do YOU remember from high school?  

(We were all “good students,” but I am the only one in education.  The others have had some separation from this world we all live in.)  

Ask yourself the same question:  What do YOU remember from high school?  Do you remember your teachers or the subject? The person or the content?

It’s the “who” not the “what.”

I have fleeting memories of classes.  Mental snapshots of school events.  And absolutely zero recollection of any of the day to day workings of a school- assemblies, announcements, standardized testing – (all things I have spent WAY too much of my career planning, organizing, and preparing for.)  

Similarly, it’s the “why” not the “where.”

I have been in a lot of schools.  I have attended schools in snowy suburban Wisconsin and the sprawling outdoor campuses in the Silicon Valley.  I have volunteered in schools in historic buildings in Washington DC, and in air conditioned boxes in Texas.  I have taught in stuffy classrooms in Houston and in hard-to-warm spaces in San Jose.  

Schools are not about the buildings, except when they are at the very bottom rungs of disrepair.  As an extension of my initial work with Teach for America I have toured countless classrooms in under-resourced districts.  There is a “floor” (pardon the pun) of basic construction – a sound roof and structure, a functioning HVAC system, sufficient seating – but once that is met, everything else is bells and whistles.  

And no one remembers it.  If you have a clear memory of a school or classroom, it probably has to do with why you were there.  The teacher who hosted your club in their room.  The locker room where a storied coach gave pep talks. Or the space that housed your chosen activities- the band room, the green room, the computer lab.  Because it’s the why not the where.  

And it’s the “how” not the “when”.  

I have worked with thousands of ninth graders.  Many of them- and their families- seem to think there is some sort of map or user’s guide to high school that my colleagues and I are hiding from them.  So what’s the secret to high school? After all, after 27 years shouldn’t I have THE answer?  Hint: There is more than one right answer.  

There is more than one time to take that class. There is more than one club to join that will bring fulfillment.  There is more than one sport that will keep you active.  And there is more than one year to try again.  And if we don’t allow teens to make -and recover from- a few mistakes in high school we are failing our kids.  Let that sink in.  By keeping your kid from failing, you are failing them.  Why? Because setbacks are how you learn.

When teachers teach students first, material second, kids learn more, and remember more.  And that simple reality is why I feel so strongly about social-emotional learning.  And for teachers who *think* they don’t have time for this, news flash: you are either actually already doing this in your own way – you just need to give yourself credit where credit is due.  

Recently our district hosted a student panel for them to share their thoughts on our first full semester in distance learning. In case you don’t have the opportunity to get this kind of feedback: they appreciate the connections you are forging – and they want more – so keep it up.

Here are some quick ideas to help you in surviving high school 2020:

• Share your pets, your kids, your custom Zoom background – anything personal – with your students (and encourage them to share back).
• Do a welcome back check in with each student – put them in break out rooms and check in.  (This may take more than one class period, but the effects will be lasting.)
• Make a class playlist of song requests and play one (or more) at the beginning of each class.  
• Start each class with a fun Question of the Day for everyone to answer – even you!
• Use a structured activity in a break-out room to allow kids to connect. 

Teach the student, and the curriculum will follow.  Because if you haven’t connected with the student, then, as you well know, you are only “teaching” a bunch of blank Zoom squares.  And none of us signed up to do that…

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Surviving 2020 Education: It’s Challenging

It’s no secret that our current health crisis flung education into a tailspin – unsteadying most of the foundations of our schools as we have known them.  As we have separated education from school buildings, we have lost our bearings.  But as we find our sea legs in the ocean of distance learning, hybrid schooling, and pandemic education, it is clear that there are some silver linings in education.  

Your work is being seen – literally – in a new way

As everyone has been focused on surviving 2020, there has been an awakening regarding the amount and type of work we do in the helping professions – and for work in other essential fields:  grocery, pharmacy, plumbing, and electrical.  Yes, it is incredibly challenging to Zoom into someone’s living room to teach, but it also seems to have increased parents’ appreciation for your coursework.  And if you are a brave soul in a hybrid or other in-person classroom, know that you are SO appreciated for the work you are doing to keep our youngest and most vulnerable learners on a forward trajectory.  

You can learn from the best

At the end of 2020, basically every educator you know should be given an honorary degree – including you, not only for surviving 2020 education, but for learning while you were at it.  Though I am grateful to have attended years of graduate school before I had my own children, I felt like I was back at it again in 2020.  The good news is that the best of the best have been providing online professional development to educators, a great deal of it free of charge.  The bad news is you can’t possibly watch all of it.  

At some point this summer, (yes, summer – there was no real break in 2020), I resorted to watching my backlog of recorded webinars on double speed on YouTube to try to get as much as possible from as many positive sources.  Because what the multiplying crises that are 2020 have revealed to us is a need for a foundational social-emotional learning program for ALL our children.  

Your new understanding of technology will serve you well

And while social-emotional learning will continue to be the most necessary curriculum as we navigate through the next few years of education, it is also clear that the use of technology in instruction has become an essential component of surviving 2020 education.  There is no turning back now.  You may not keep everything, but you will keep what serves you well.  

For some this will be grading online – no more grubby papers (which were questionable to touch even in a pre-COVID world).  For others, it will be recording their content – for students to watch over and over again – and using class time to answer questions and work together.  Or maybe it will simply be using PearDeck or NearPod to track students’ understanding in real time- even after they are back in your classroom.  (And I know that more than a few of us will miss the mute button!)

You are still connecting to students and families

You may not know how tall they all are, or if they wear flip flops year-round, but you are meeting, and relating to kids who you didn’t know a year ago.  And you may even be meeting MORE parents and families than you did before, as parents call in on their lunch hours, or squeeze into the Zoom screen with their child.  (And if you hit the wrong button and wind up ending the meeting rather than closing the breakout rooms, well, in 2020 that’s consider relatable:  congratulations!)

You can help your students chart a new course

After all these “unprecedented times” we are living through, surviving 2020 education, we will eventually emerge into a new world – Sonia Renee Taylor’s “new garment,” “one that fits all of humanity and nature.”  We have a rare opportunity to help chart a course not only for ourselves and our students, but for our profession as a whole.  

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