Galentines Day 2021: Celebrate Together, Apart

If there ever was a year we needed this holiday, it’s this one. So I hope you embrace Galentines Day 2021. Yet conditions in many places still make it too-soon to plan in person gatherings like a typical Galentines Day celebration.

So it’s time to rethink this soul-feeding, girl-time celebration for our physically-distant world. Here are some ideas to rethink this much-needed celebration for our current times – and maybe even find some silver linings in it.

How to Plan Galentines Day 2021:

Choose a Date

The official date is February 13, which is conveniently a Saturday in 2021, but you can choose any day- or time – that works for you. For once you can include friends from other parts of the country- or world – so consider that when you choose the time.

Deliver Some Treats

If your gals are local, then it’s time for a late-winter porch drop. If your crew is more far-flung, then pop them in the mail. Or maybe you’ll need some of both. Either way, here are some ideas to take care of your gals – both near and far.

Galentines Day 2021 in a Box, Porch Drop Style: If you are hand-delivering, you have a little more flexibility with what you share. You can include any or all of the following – or create your own festive collection:

A sparkling-single serve beverage – with or without alcohol – like a split of sparkling wine, a can of wine, beer, or cider, or a fizzy beverage like Izze or LaCroix
A sweet treat – or two – something chocolate, like a bouchon, or maybe a pink-tinted meringue. Or a festively-shaped, tinted marshmallow.
A festive decoration or outfit addition – a balloon, a garland – or a springy heart headband
A thoughtful favor – maybe a small, scented lotion or candle, or a pair of earrings – (affiliate link) like these leather and cork designs
A set of Color Street – it can be Valentine’s 2021 collection set, or any fun, sparkly option that suits the recipient

Galentines Day 2021, in the Mail: If you are mailing your celebratory packages, then you need to think about weight, fragility, and perishability. But you can still send a thoughtful gift:

A coffee gift card (or e-gift card) – bonus if it’s for a place local to the recipient so they can #ShopSmall. Or you can easily mail Cusa tea or coffee (affiliate link) – so many flavors and types to choose from.
A sturdy, sweet treat – brownies and other bar cookies tend to hold up well and are just as delicious with a 10 second turn in the microwave (and a scoop of ice cream!). Or go with a lightweight, yet not-so-fragile treat and mix up some marshmallows. If you have never made homemade marshmallows, now is the time to break out your stand mixer and try!
A flat decoration – like a folding garland, an not-yet-inflated balloon, or a paper crown
A travel-friendly favor – since these friends are out-of-town, consider something that can be used when you reconnect (hopefully soon!), like a luggage tag, or a sheet face mask to rehydrate, or travel soap sheets
A set of Color Street – you can’t mail a bottle of nail polish easily, but you can definitely mail a set – or two – of Color Street

Chocolate-Dipped Heart Marshmallows

Inspired by Molly Wizenberg, A Homemade Life, and theflavorbender.com

Print Recipe Pin Recipe

Prep Time 10 mins

Cook Time 20 mins

Resting Time 8 hrs

Course Dessert

Cuisine American

Servings 20

Equipment

Stand Mixer with Whisk Attachment
9×13 Glass Baking Dish
Cookie cutters, 1 1/2 inch hearts, or as desired

Ingredients

Nonstick vegetable oil spray
1 cup cold water divided
7 tsp unflavored gelatin from 3 envelopes
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup agave syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
several drops gel food coloring red or pink
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup cornstarch or arrowroot starch
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 pound dark chocolate
1/2 Tablespoon coconut oil

Instructions

Spray a 9×13 glass baking dish with cooking spray and dust with powdered sugar.
Pour 1/2 cup cold water into bowl of heavy-duty mixer fitted with whisk attachment. Gently stir in gelatin and allow to sit for 15 minutes.
Combine sugar, agave, salt, and remaining 1/2 cup cold water in heavy medium saucepan.
Cover saucepan and turn heat to medium-high. Simmer, covered for a few minutes to allow the condensation to drip down the sides of the pan, dissolving any crystals.
Remove the lid, and clip a candy thermometer to the side of the pan. Raise heat and bring syrup to a boil. Watch carefully, without stirring, until syrup reaches 240 degrees (about 8 minutes).
With mixer running at low speed, slowly pour hot syrup into gelatin mixture in thin stream down side of bowl (avoid pouring syrup onto whisk, as it may splash). Gradually increase speed to high and beat until mixture is very thick and stiff, about 15 minutes.
Add food color to desired shade, mixing in between additions. Add vanilla and beat to blend, about 30 seconds longer.
Scrape marshmallow mixture into prepared pan. Smooth top with wet fingers. Let stand uncovered at room temperature until firm, about 6 hours.
Stir cornstarch and powdered sugar in small bowl to blend. Sprinkle over top of the marshmallows, and onto work surface.
Turn marshmallow slab out onto work surface and sprinkle more starch-sugar mixture over marshmallow slab.
Coat cookie cutters with nonstick spray. Cut marshmallows into squares or other shapes. Toss each in remaining starch-sugar mixture to coat.
Melt chocolate and coconut on low in a microwave-safe bowl, stirring frequently, until fully melted. Dip the bottom of each marshmallow in the melted chocolate, allowing excess to drip into bowl.
If desired, press into sprinkles or chopped candy canes or other toppings. Place chocolate side up on silicone baking mat or parchment paper-lined tray. Allow to dry completely, about 2 hours, before stacking or storing.

Notes

Store in an air-tight container. Dipped or undipped marshmallows may be frozen for several weeks.

Keyword celebrations, sweet treats

Celebrate Galentines Day 2021!

If we have learned little else in the past eleven months, I hope we have learned to appreciate time together with family and friends. Jump on a platform of your choosing – if your group is small, then Facetime or Facebook Messenger is great. For larger groups, you’ll need Zoom, WebEx or Teams.

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Surviving High School 2020 Edition

Are you surviving high school 2020?

Pre-2020, I usually described my job in public education like this: “I enjoy helping students find a pathway that fulfills them – and it’s never boring, never the same thing twice.”

While those sentiments still ring true, more recently I’ve been telling people that my job is “herding invisible cats.” I have a sense that students are out there, and that some of my actions are supporting them, but in the fuzziness of distance learning, it is very challenging to know. (This author speaks to the tendency to focus on “ghosts,” which is a helpful way to prioritize.)

This is my 27th year in high school. Four years figuring it out myself. And 23 more helping other people’s kids navigate it. Year 27. And year 1. Year 1 of parenting a high school student- in a pandemic, no less- which means his high school experience is not unfolding in the next town over from my office, but in the next room. And year 1 of trying to support other peoples’ kids in this crazy as well.

Time to Reflect: Surviving High School 2020

2020 has turned out to be a year of deep introspection and reflection for us as individuals, and as a society. And though I’ve spent well over half my life in high school, I don’t reflect on my own high school experience as much as I might. Do you?

I am grateful to still be friends with a handful of my closest friends from high school.

The ones I stayed up all night with at slumber parties (often, embarrassingly, trying to crimp our hair). The ones I coordinated matching outfits with for school dances. The ones I practiced with for elaborate dance performances. And the ones I drove to late night restaurants with at a time when 16-year-olds could drive other sixteen-year-olds.

I recently asked them: what do YOU remember from high school?

(We were all “good students,” but I am the only one in education. The others have had some separation from this world we all live in.)

Ask yourself the same question: What do YOU remember from high school? Do you remember your teachers or the subject? The person or the content?

It’s the “who” not the “what.”

I have fleeting memories of classes. Mental snapshots of school events. And absolutely zero recollection of any of the day to day workings of a school- assemblies, announcements, standardized testing – (all things I have spent WAY too much of my career planning, organizing, and preparing for.)

Similarly, it’s the “why” not the “where.”

I have been in a lot of schools. I have attended schools in snowy suburban Wisconsin and the sprawling outdoor campuses in the Silicon Valley. I have volunteered in schools in historic buildings in Washington DC, and in air conditioned boxes in Texas. I have taught in stuffy classrooms in Houston and in hard-to-warm spaces in San Jose.

Schools are not about the buildings, except when they are at the very bottom rungs of disrepair. As an extension of my initial work with Teach for America I have toured countless classrooms in under-resourced districts. There is a “floor” (pardon the pun) of basic construction – a sound roof and structure, a functioning HVAC system, sufficient seating – but once that is met, everything else is bells and whistles.

And no one remembers it. If you have a clear memory of a school or classroom, it probably has to do with why you were there. The teacher who hosted your club in their room. The locker room where a storied coach gave pep talks. Or the space that housed your chosen activities- the band room, the green room, the computer lab. Because it’s the why not the where.

And it’s the “how” not the “when”.

I have worked with thousands of ninth graders. Many of them- and their families- seem to think there is some sort of map or user’s guide to high school that my colleagues and I are hiding from them. So what’s the secret to high school? After all, after 27 years shouldn’t I have THE answer? Hint: There is more than one right answer.

There is more than one time to take that class. There is more than one club to join that will bring fulfillment. There is more than one sport that will keep you active. And there is more than one year to try again. And if we don’t allow teens to make -and recover from- a few mistakes in high school we are failing our kids. Let that sink in. By keeping your kid from failing, you are failing them. Why? Because setbacks are how you learn.

When teachers teach students first, material second, kids learn more, and remember more. And that simple reality is why I feel so strongly about social-emotional learning. And for teachers who *think* they don’t have time for this, news flash: you are either actually already doing this in your own way – you just need to give yourself credit where credit is due.

Recently our district hosted a student panel for them to share their thoughts on our first full semester in distance learning. In case you don’t have the opportunity to get this kind of feedback: they appreciate the connections you are forging – and they want more – so keep it up.

Here are some quick ideas to help you in surviving high school 2020:

Share your pets, your kids, your custom Zoom background – anything personal – with your students (and encourage them to share back).
Do a welcome back check in with each student – put them in break out rooms and check in. (This may take more than one class period, but the effects will be lasting.)
Make a class playlist of song requests and play one (or more) at the beginning of each class.
Start each class with a fun Question of the Day for everyone to answer – even you!
Use a structured activity in a break-out room to allow kids to connect.

Teach the student, and the curriculum will follow. Because if you haven’t connected with the student, then, as you well know, you are only “teaching” a bunch of blank Zoom squares. And none of us signed up to do that…

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Person of Color: Being In Between

Like many of you, I have spent much of 2020 grappling with Big Questions. What does it mean to be a person of color? Who and what is most important to me? How do I acknowledge my strengths – and my privilege? And how do I use it to help make the world a better place? I am doing this from a place of in-between. I am American, and not. I am White, and not. I belong, and I don’t.

Two Worlds

And I appreciate how this type of duality was framed in a recent conversation between researcher and author Brene Brown and former President Barack Obama on the Dare to Lead podcast: this type of paradox can be transformative.

In terms of age, Barack Obama is my contemporary. Which means neither one of us – like so many others of mixed heritage and cultural identity – had few role models; there were simply fewer people who had walked this path before us. Fewer examples in public life – or in our schools.

This straddling of worlds is also highlighted in Brit Bennett’s compelling historical novel, The Vanishing Half. The author’s riveting story explores the “what if” that exists for so many of us with multi-cultural identities.

Indian culture – even outside the borders of India – can be insular. Steeped in generations-old traditions, it can be hard to navigate the social order, to connect across the invisible – yet tenacious – lines of Caste that Isabel Wilkerson outlines so clearly in her book.

Self-Reflection

In my day-to-day life, I have encountered relatively few people in my generation who are half White, half of Indian descent. I have two sisters with parallel genetics, and three first cousins, all male, who have similar parentage. But as a child, the bulk of your waking hours are spent in school.

Growing up in what is now the backyard of Google, Facebook, and half the tech industry, it seems difficult to believe that I was typically the only person of Indian descent in my entire grade – sometimes my sister and I the only ones in the entire school. In junior high, there was a brief moment when a girl with similar heritage was in my class, but she soon moved away. It wasn’t until college that I had a sustained friendship with someone with a similar ethnic background, and to whom I was not related.

Ola Caracola reflects on race in this well-written piece on Medium. At one point, she reflects on the admittedly mundane issue of the color of bandaids. For me as a young dancer, it was the color of ballet tights that didn’t quite fit. The accepted – often prescribed – color of tights was a pink, that not unlike the bandaids, while it wasn’t really the exact color of any human, it also clearly wasn’t the color of me.

Being “In Between” in School

Having spent my life in public schools, we talk a lot about kids learning from “someone who looks like them.” And the data supports that not just Black students, but ALL students learn better from Black teachers. But what does this mean for kids of mixed heritage? How do kids who are in between see themselves in educators who may or not reflect this duality?

In the generation of my children there are many more, of course, but it means that few of THOSE children will have the opportunity to encounter, much less than learn from, an educator with a parallel shared experience. So in the absence of the sameness, you gravitate toward the shared different-ness. My closest friends come in all shapes and sizes, some share my European-American heritage, others, my Indian heritage, others, neither.

A New Era

Now a person with Indian heritage will be in a position of national leadership (the “pressure” of which was not lost on the unbelievably spot-on meme-makers of 2020, like this one from Anand Giridharadas: “I told you you should have studied vice presidenting in college, but you only wanted to do engineering” – Indian-American parents right now.).

Kamala Harris claims her Blackness, as well she should, a proud graduate of Howard University. But as her memoir attests, she was raised so influentially by her mother, a sari-clad Indian doctor. And those of us who share being the legacy of interracial, intercultural unions appreciate her duality in the way it helps to further illuminate a pathway forward for our dual selves.

At many times in my life, I have felt like a chameleon. Sometimes, I have the privilege of being a fly on the wall, blending in seamlessly. At other times, I stick out like a sore thumb, painfully obvious in my other-ness.

Growing up, I didn’t feel Indian and I didn’t look White. It was a conundrum that I grappled with through most of my school career.

Being Both, Being Neither

I am the child of an immigrant, but don’t share his accent. I am the child of blond, blue-eyed California girl who graduated from Berkeley in the 60s, but don’t share that seamless assimilation.

My multicultural name trips up your tongue, my ambiguous complexion furrows your eyebrow, but birth certificate asserts my belonging in this so-called melting pot.

I have experienced relative lack of economic privilege, growing up with a chronically under-employed father, my mother taking a job she didn’t really want to provide for our family. I have experienced this lack of economic privilege while knowing that there was a wide, deep safety net, in the form of my White grandparents and their assets, which would mean that if our family “fell,” it wouldn’t be far.

I am searched and scrutinized going through airport security, yet I breeze through immigration with my unaccented English and navy passport, accompanied by my red-headed husband.

I have traveled widely, and I am always assumed to be a local: in Asia, in Europe, in Polynesia. I am privileged that I do not choose my travel itineraries based on how I might be received at my destination, I am not limited by others’ preconceived notions of me. In the US, I am often assumed to be Latinx, but I am a Spanish-learner (who can also get by in French, on a good day!).

In college, in Houston, I was embraced by my fellow students with families from the Indian subcontinent, but I started from scratch – with little prior knowledge of Indian languages, culture, history or even food.

I started teaching in a school that had maybe twenty-five White students in a student body of 2,400; I was an educated brown-skinned person at the front of my classroom. That district was remarkably under-resourced, a reality that I had been shielded from in my suburban upbringing; I was an educator from a privileged background who had trouble processing the extreme inequities between my own childhood classrooms and the ones in which I was teaching.

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Surviving 2020 Education: Silver Linings for Educators

Surviving 2020 Education: It’s Challenging

It’s no secret that our current health crisis flung education into a tailspin – unsteadying most of the foundations of our schools as we have known them. As we have separated education from school buildings, we have lost our bearings. But as we find our sea legs in the ocean of distance learning, hybrid schooling, and pandemic education, it is clear that there are some silver linings in education.

Your work is being seen – literally – in a new way

As everyone has been focused on surviving 2020, there has been an awakening regarding the amount and type of work we do in the helping professions – and for work in other essential fields: grocery, pharmacy, plumbing, and electrical. Yes, it is incredibly challenging to Zoom into someone’s living room to teach, but it also seems to have increased parents’ appreciation for your coursework. And if you are a brave soul in a hybrid or other in-person classroom, know that you are SO appreciated for the work you are doing to keep our youngest and most vulnerable learners on a forward trajectory.

You can learn from the best

At the end of 2020, basically every educator you know should be given an honorary degree – including you, not only for surviving 2020 education, but for learning while you were at it. Though I am grateful to have attended years of graduate school before I had my own children, I felt like I was back at it again in 2020. The good news is that the best of the best have been providing online professional development to educators, a great deal of it free of charge. The bad news is you can’t possibly watch all of it.

At some point this summer, (yes, summer – there was no real break in 2020), I resorted to watching my backlog of recorded webinars on double speed on YouTube to try to get as much as possible from as many positive sources. Because what the multiplying crises that are 2020 have revealed to us is a need for a foundational social-emotional learning program for ALL our children.

Your new understanding of technology will serve you well

And while social-emotional learning will continue to be the most necessary curriculum as we navigate through the next few years of education, it is also clear that the use of technology in instruction has become an essential component of surviving 2020 education. There is no turning back now. You may not keep everything, but you will keep what serves you well.

For some this will be grading online – no more grubby papers (which were questionable to touch even in a pre-COVID world). For others, it will be recording their content – for students to watch over and over again – and using class time to answer questions and work together. Or maybe it will simply be using PearDeck or NearPod to track students’ understanding in real time- even after they are back in your classroom. (And I know that more than a few of us will miss the mute button!)

You are still connecting to students and families

You may not know how tall they all are, or if they wear flip flops year-round, but you are meeting, and relating to kids who you didn’t know a year ago. And you may even be meeting MORE parents and families than you did before, as parents call in on their lunch hours, or squeeze into the Zoom screen with their child. (And if you hit the wrong button and wind up ending the meeting rather than closing the breakout rooms, well, in 2020 that’s consider relatable: congratulations!)

You can help your students chart a new course

After all these “unprecedented times” we are living through, surviving 2020 education, we will eventually emerge into a new world – Sonia Renee Taylor’s “new garment,” “one that fits all of humanity and nature.” We have a rare opportunity to help chart a course not only for ourselves and our students, but for our profession as a whole.

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Trader Joe’s Holiday Items: Your New Favorites

It’s a hard call which is my more favorite month to shop at Trader Joe’s – October, the height of my fall favorites, or December, when the holiday items are in stock in full force. Let’s call it a tie. There are SO many Trader Joe’s holiday items that I can’t possibly cover them all. If you aren’t already a listener, I highly recommend checking out the (Inside) Trader Joe’s podcast for more tips and recommendations from Trader Joe’s staff directly.

Trader Joe’s Holiday Items: Mint Chocolate Magic

Dark Chocolate Minty Marshmallows

Moist, springy marshmallows with a hint of mint, doused in dark chocolate- what’s not to love about that? Pop in hot chocolate – or directly in your mouth – for a not-too-heavy treat.

Mini Dark Chocolate Mint Stars

These petite treats have a nice snap to the cookie, with a touch a mint, a coating of dark chocolate and a few sprinkles for good measure. Their small size means you get to eat more in a single serving – also a reason to celebrate.

Dark Chocolate Covered Peppermint Cremes

A refreshing mint patty, covered in dark chocolate (is there really any other kind of chocolate?) with some crushed candy cane on top for a bit of crunch. A perfect after dinner treat.

Candy Cane Joe-Joe’s

A seasonal minty twist on Trader Joe’s take on the classic chocolate sandwich cookie. A solid choice for remote-learning lunches, especially good with a glass of milk.

Chocolate Covered Peppermint Joe Joe’s

To say these were inhaled is a bit of an understatement. They all but vanished in one sitting. Candy Cane Joe Joe’s are already a favorite in their own right, then they are dunked in chocolate, and topped with crushed candy cane bits. Chocolate mint perfection.

Mini Peppermint Meringues

For something a little lighter (and gluten- and dairy-free), try these crisp, mint meringues. You can pop one or two in your mouth for a quick sweet treat, or you can crush them and layer them with whipped cream for a seasonal twist on an Eton Mess.

Peppermint Mini Marshmallows

Looking for a little something to perk up your hot cocoa? Look no further than these peppermint mini marshmallows. Next up? Swapping them in for regular marshmallows in a favorite cookie recipe.

Peppermint Pretzel Slims

These sweet-meets-salty treats are a balanced bite- great for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up. Tasty, even though I don’t normally love white chocolate.

Trader Joe’s Holiday Items: More than Mint

Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels

Rich caramel covered in dark chocolate with a pinch of sea salt is a year-round favorite. What makes this particular time of year special is that you can get a box of four of these sweet treats with a special slot for a gift card on the front. This is now our go-to gift for Mr. Diggy’s entire therapy team – and one that we know is appreciated!

Scandinavian Tidings Soft and Chewy Gummy Candy

My part-Swedish husband LOVES these Scandinavian-style treats in all their various shapes and flavors. The holiday version is no exception (though he does tend to pick out the red ones!).

Stroopwafel Dutch Caramel Waffle Cookies

After years without a stroopwafel crossing my lips, we encountered them as a single-serve, shelf-stable snack on the only flights we took in 2020. Trader Joe’s lets you bring a small canister of these treats home – no reservation required.

Double Chocolate Hot Cocoa Stirring Spoon with Mini Marshmallows

A fun, tasty, single-serve way to make hot chocolate this winter. Just heat up your preferred type of milk until steaming and stir this chocolate-and-marshmallow-coated spoon into your mug. You’re welcome.

Butter Toffee Pretzels

These are like a warm holiday hug – in pretzel form. Irresistible caramelized butter and sugar combined with just enough salt from the pretzel makes these an excellent anytime treat.

Italian Mushroom and Black Truffle Sauce

The aroma of truffles is unmistakable from the moment you open the jar. Stirred into pasta it makes a great change of pace from a marinara or pesto.

Felted Wool Trivet

Last year, the holiday offering was a felted garland. That got a lot of love in our autism family, but it also was destroyed rather quickly. This trivet is useful on the table, and also a fun, durable item to run around the house with (which is a real, yet hard to find, #autismmom consideration!)

Trader Joe’s Holiday Items: Seasonal Sips

Sugar Plum Sparkling Beverage

More tart than sweet, this sparkling non-alcoholic beverage pairs well with food. A “rosé” alternative for your next festive toast.

Trader Joe’s Platinum Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon Yountville Napa Valley 2018

The (Inside) Trader Joe’s podcast will let you in on the little not-so-secret that Platinum Reserve labels typically mean you are getting a wine that is valued at 3 times the price you pay. So when I saw a stash of Platinum Reserve cabernet, I snagged one. I split a bottle with a couple of wine-enthusiast friends while sitting 15 apart: thumbs up all around.

Cecilia Beretta’s Cecilia B Vina Spumante Rose

This was the bottle we opened for our tiny, outdoor Thanksgiving meal. I always prefer sparkling wine with food- even more so with a decadent holiday meal. This was a pleasant bubbly- not too sweet, not too dry. I will be grabbing another bottle – or two.

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How to Beat the Winter Blues: 5 Ways to Stay Sane While Staying In

How do you beat the winter blues in a tough year?

As we careen through the final month of this unprecedented year, we have endured nearly nine months of a global health crisis, much of it in the undesirable position of “leader” in terms of infection rates and deaths. It is clear that this health pandemic has brought into stark relief the deep, systemic inequities in our society – realities that 2020 has no longer allowed to be tucked away in a corner or under the surface. And now it’s winter, which brings the least hospitable weather to most of the country, combined with the danger of sharing tight, indoor spaces, which has meant another round of stay-at-home orders for many areas.

In light of all of this, it seems almost futile to try to beat the winter blues: can’t we just hibernate until there is a widely-available vaccine? For those of you without young children – or those with special needs – you may certainly consider that option. But I encourage everyone to try their best to maintain their mental and physical health this winter.

While you might typically have a touch of the aptly-named SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) – I know I do – the layers of challenges this year mean you should take extra care to not ignore your mental health. As Michele Norris reminds us in the Michelle Obama podcast: “don’t reach for normal, reach for better.”

Stay Active

There is no question that staying active became a more personal pursuit in 2020. When you strip away the fancy gym memberships, the huge road races, and many types of sports leagues and tournaments, you are left with your own body and your own space. If you haven’t already, it’s time to make the most of it.

Walk. Run. Replace the chain and fill the tires on your old bike. With shorter – and colder – days, make this kind of activity your work-from-home lunch break. If the weather is really inhospitable, project classes on YouTube into your living room or bedroom. Try resistance bands, jump ropes, or other space-saving, low-tech fitness equipment. And find a way to keep yourself accountable. For me, I have simply committed to doing *something* everyday. A walk, a recorded workout, or outdoor fitness class. And I’m looking forward to trying something new in 2021: Zoom hula lessons.

Stay Connected

When circumstances allow, you can stay connected while staying active – the best of both worlds. Schedule a phone chat with a different friend each day, and each of you walk in your own neighborhood. Zoom into fitness classes with a workout buddy, to increase accountability. Or use shared fitness apps to cheer each other on remotely.

But also maintain connections in other ways: rekindle phone relationships, schedule weekly or monthly Zoom check-ins, find a pen pal – or two – in your social circle. Cook the same recipe in different homes and eat together. Stage a multi-home family cookie decorating contest and let the Internet decide the winner. And for local friends and family, don’t underestimate the magic that is the pandemic porch drop off: a loaf of pumpkin bread, a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine – or another little pick-me-up.

Stay Motivated

As an autism mom, I am asked constantly how I manage to stay upbeat – even more so during this year of layered health and social crises. There are really two answers to this. One is simply that it is easier to manage life if you stay positive. I have recently started listening to Bill Gates and Rashida Jones ask Big Questions, and I have learned that Bill Gates also maintains a strongly optimistic view.

The second is grounded in my decades of experience living and working with those in much more challenging circumstances. I have worked with thousands of teenagers over the years, and every one of them has a story.

Some are battling cancer, others are battling the demons in their own minds. Many of them are showing up for class despite a host of forces conspiring against them – “sleeping” in loud, shared spaces, working to support their families and then staying up later to do homework, food insecurity. Others are bearing the weight of complex family dynamics, choosing unsafe habits – and substances – to numb the pain of divorcing parents, estranged siblings, or dying grandparents.

In other words, life happens. And in the end, you can play the cards you are dealt, or you can fold. And while I tend to lose a LOT of card games, I’m certainly not choosing to walk away from my hand in life. Autism is hard. Severe autism can make you want to cry and laugh and scream all at once, but in the end, it is also what makes our life ours.

Stay compassionate

The best way to not dwell on your own challenges? Focus on someone else’s. There is no shortage of opportunity to do this now. You can donate food, warm clothing, holiday gifts. You can spend time making phone calls or writing postcards for causes that are important to you. You can speak out and speak up to support anti-racist and anti-biased work. And practicing and acknowledging gratitude actually can benefit you even more than those you are helping – a truly win-win situation.

Stay comforted

Don’t underestimate the power of food – real food, the cooking, the eating, the sharing of time and space – to change your outlook. Think lasagna, meatballs, or this tasty chickpea curry (highly recommend adding some chopped new potatoes). More time at home means it’s easier to put something in your slow cooker or instapot and keep an eye on it. Like these meltingly tender short ribs, served over some simply mashed potatoes.